Living Life Without Fear

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I’ve been kicking this blog post around for awhile now, wrestling with it. I figured I would be honest about that to start.

A couple weeks ago I had a moment where things just really came to a head for me. I was frustrated, and we all know frustrated is just a fancy word for boiling anger with a lid on it. I felt trapped, like my mouth was taped shut with my ever-so-handy medical tape that works oh-so-well. (Trust me, never use Scotch again.)

For most of my life I have felt censored. Like I can’t be myself. I can’t explore the things I want to, say what I want to… and often that will result in bottled emotions (Queen of them) and blurting out things at inappropriate moments. Neither is the healthy thing to do.

My thought process led me to this: What would I be writing about if I wasn’t so afraid? What would I be doing with my life if I wasn’t scared to go out and just do it?

Now, there are legitimate fears. I, for one, shirk confrontation. I don’t like to stir the pot with those I love, and usually end up apologizing for stuff that, honestly, wasn’t my fault to begin with, just to end the fight. Being the first to apologize is okay; forgiveness isn’t really about the other person. Forgiveness is a gift to ourselves, it doesn’t mean what the other person did is right or we want them to repeat it, but it allows us to let go of those negative emotions eating our being like we are awash in acid, giving us the opportunity to move on and heal. Apologizing is okay, as long as we don’t blame ourselves in the process. Which is what I tend to do. I tend to wonder what I did wrong. What could I have done differently? Why was I blindsided with this situation? When someone lashes out at you, it isn’t personal. Ever. No one can remember that in the moment because it feels insanely personal. The other person also makes it sound personal by pointing out all sorts of nasty tidbits they think are wrong with us. It’s all misinformation. They aren’t really focused on you. All that anger they portray is actually focused inward; they are angry at themselves. Take a breath, recognize that it isn’t personal, and hold love in your heart for them. Don’t feed it with more anger. That never helps.

Another fear I have is monetary. I have a family. I am a single parent to a wonderfully expensive midget. I want what is best for him. I want to create a life that he can be proud of, one that is financially stable and where we live in comfort instead of in constant stress. So, I went back to school. I take supplementary classes. I have goals and dreams and aspirations. This will never stop. I will always be taking another class, striving for another certification or another degree. I will always be anticipating the next opportunity. Where can I go from here? The problem for me is keeping that all positive. Not being stressed out about financing daycare, paying for groceries and gas, being able to afford the classes that I know could propel me higher if lent the opportunity. I have to make a better life for me and my son. It is a necessity for me as much as breathing, but I have to remember the road to get there is the journey. The destination can change, and will, over the course of my life. The people in it change. Some will stay with me for the long haul, others come and go. The people in the foreground also shift, change places, rearrange. My son is the energizer bunny, ask anyone who has met him. I am the little engine that could. Small and shiny and blue, I will always keep riding the rails to a better future. I hope to enjoy the scenery along the way, too.

I may not always jive with everyone I meet, or everyone I love. It doesn’t mean I love them any less just because my ideas aren’t in line with theirs. I respect their separate journeys, and I happily applaud when ours intertwine. I don’t need to or want to start fights, I just don’t have the time or energy to waste for that. However, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t say what I want to share with the rest of the world just because a few people might not like it. My message is positive, it might be a little different, but it is full of light and love. All pathways lead to the same destination, eventually.

In line with this train of thought, I’m about to embark on a new journey. One that I am totally and completely scared about embarking on. I am nervous, but I am also excited. I am going to be co-hosting a web series with a wonderful friend of mine every Monday night. It will air live, completely uncut, no editing, and I will be honest and forthright for every inch of that hour. I hope you join us.

Monday, the 19th of May, 2014 launches a new Live Google Hangout web-series co-hosted by myself and Lindsay Essence, entitled “Mom’s Uncensored: Spiritual Women on Real Life.” Please join us at 9PM EST on YouTube  or Google Hangout. Hope to see you there!

 

And now I leave you with this final thought: What would you be doing in your life, this very moment, if you were Living free of Fear?

 

Coffee && Cigarettes

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Two peas in a pod.

Coffee and cigarettes are complementary addictions. Throw a little alcohol in there, and you got yourself a beautiful trifecta.

The other day I was driving a co-worker to work. Stopped at the gas station, he asked for me to grab him a pack of Camel Blues and a Java Monster. $7 for cigs and $3 for a coffee-flavored energy drink.

Expensive habit.

The other day on FB, a friend of mine posted about the bliss of enjoying a coffee and a cig together. Hmm. Trending much?

The two have been paired together for a long, long time. With the popularity of e-cigarettes and energy drinks growing, this culture’s addiction to caffeine and nicotine seem to leaping exponentially, albeit upgrading to sleeker, more modern versions of themselves.

Even the cardiologist I work for can’t function throughout his day without his habitual smoke breaks and a brewing pot o’ Joe constantly at the ready in the break room. A heart doctor, medically trained to know better.

What is it about these two sirens that ensnare so many? What can we do to lessen the damage to our society’s health?

Arguments for coffee:

  • I need it to stay awake.
  • I  like the taste.
  • It’s part of my morning routine.
  • I need it to sleep at night.
  • It’s part of my everyday social interactions.
  • Everybody drinks coffee.

Here are some healthy alternatives to coffee, and a few reasons to cut down too.

Arguments for smoking:

  • It relaxes me.
  • Whenever I quit, I gain 40 lbs.
  • It’s a habit.
  • I only smoke socially.
  • Everybody does it.
  • I am/was in the military, and hell, who doesn’t smoke?
  • I’m addicted to nicotine.
  • I plan to quit, eventually… you know, one day.
  • I’m just too stressed to quit right now.

Here are some tips on cutting the cig out of your life for good.

P.S. Heart disease and cancer both radically suck, and are number one killers in America. Two of the biggest contributors are listed in the heading of this article.

 

Love&Light

Shake it Off, Bby

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How do you get out of a funk? When you know you are having a low vibe day, and really want to catapult yourself to a higher vibe, what are some of your cheat sheet, go-to suggestions to raise yourself to a higher vibration and have a bright and shiny day despite it all?

I asked some of my favorite forward thinkers this very question, and these are their responses:

  • This is what I do friend: I go to a place that I can be alone for just a moment and not be interrupted. I take deep breaths through my nose and slow exhales through my mouth for about 5 minutes max. I sit in meditation pose and I have my Angelic Team brush off all that funky energy, I also call down Archangel Michael and have him vacuum up any and all “junk” in my auric field; then I have him to the same to my thoughts, my heart, and all over my body. He removes all negative energy within and around me as well as energy that does not belong to me. I call back all my own energy to me that I have left in various places and through interactions with other people throughout the day. Then I have Archangel Michael cut any and all auric cords that are attached to me. Put my shields up, and by that time I am done! I feel a lot better. If it is a specific location that makes me feel funky, then I have him bless and cleanse the space that I am in. Visualization is huge for me so I always pray/meditate with my third eye. I hope this inspires you to try or create your own de-funking <3. -Erick Silvermoon of Inspiring Your Day Through Love
  • Awesome Question! What I do when I get into a “funk” energetically is I try to physically get to the earth and ground myself by walking barefoot in the grass, putting my feet in the dirt, or connecting with nature (such as trees). Living in Michigan does not make that always possible. I substitute this physical walking in nature by using essential oils. Peppermint is an awesome choice, as well as orange. I also use some Young Living blended oils such as “Vetiver” or “Valor.” Included on my webpage is a great exercise to shift my emotions, which can be found here: Nourished Soul. Definitely utilize acts of self-care, such as: Asking what I could provide to myself that would make me feel comforted, whether it be a hug, a 5 minute break, cup of hot tea, a meditation, or even a shower. An easy shower visualization I use is while standing under the water I feel the water brush all that energetic “funk” off and visualize the negative energy going down the drain. Simple, yet effective. Another way I release the negative vibes is by working with Archangel Michael and asking him, along with the other angels, to help provide the sacred space I need in the moment wherever I may be. High vibe sprays also seem to help break up the energetic funkiness. Flora (from Flora Sage Institutes) has a great book called Flora’s Fragrances dedicated to these awesome sprays. Just dancing and being silly often helps too. Hope that helps 🙂 -Heather Ryno of Nourished Soul
  • Yes!!! Alone time!!! One of the things that helps me recharge is a hot bath. I fill the tub with Epsom salts and add aromatherapy. Lavender if I need to calm down, rosemary to help me focus, or eucalyptus when my body aches. (Just to name a few.) The hot water helps with circulation, and the salts draw out toxins while soothing sore muscles. Letting my body submerge in the hot water, focusing on the feeling of the blood pumping through my veins, all the while remaining in the present moment and drinking in deep inhalations of the aromatherapy steam does wonders to soothe my body, mind, and soul. -Irene Meiller of Meiller Massage
  • My spirit responds to music and sound. I love to put on some inspirational music that gets my body moving. My current playlist is: Happy by Pharrell Williams, Best Day of My Life by American Authors, Shake it out by Florence + The Machine, Midnight City by M83, along with plenty others. So I just throw on my awesome playlist and move the funk out by dancing. It’s all about releasing all the shit I need to and reminding myself that I am WORTHY and I am BEAUTIFUL. ❤ -Crystal Starshine of Coffee and Inspiration with Crystal Starshine and Friends and the Starshine Healing Academy

These were all amazing responses, and simple to implement in our daily lives. All too often we get stuck in a rut of bad energy and don’t take the time to step back and remove ourselves from the situation. So, what do I do?

One of the visualizations I use is actually comprised of a couple I mesh together. Sometimes I do it separately, but most of the time it goes something like this:

I start by grounding and connecting. Sit or stand, to start I’m usually seated with my back straight and my eyes closed. With your feet planted firmly on the ground imagine the roots of a tree escaping from the soles of your feet. Imagine them going down, down, down, into the core of the earth. Past all those layers upon layers of terra firma, into the magma of her. Once your roots reach this ball of molten rock, let them drink. Drink up a thick golden, liquid light, slowly retracing up your roots. Let it soak into your feet, travel up the length of your body. Visualize your chakras, one at a time, soaking in the molten, golden, magma of the earth’s energy. As the warmth reaches the crown of you, shift your arms (mentally or physically) up, up, and up reaching for the sky. Imagine the starry night, as deep dark blue as you can, like you are in a place of no man-made light sources. The stars above are twinkling with such intensity, it takes your breath away. Your arms are filled with this golden light, reaching for the stars. Out from your fingertips grow the branches and leaves of your tree. They penetrate the night, mingling with the starry sky. And as the golden light touches the sky so the sky touches you, and begins to slip down over you, slowly drinking it’s way through you just as the magma did. The sky envelops you, trailing down from your crown to your feet, your chakras absorbing the starry sky into their essence. As the stars reach your feet they travel down your roots and penetrate the earth’s core. Now you, the earth, and the sky are connected. Mingled, you become one.

After the tree, imagine Archangel Michael with his impressive white and fiery sword just above your head. He takes a long clear canister tube in his hands, and places it over the top of your head. Sucking all the negativity, which appears like black sticky tar or balls of dust bunnies from under the couch, off of your very being, up and away. The other end of the tube disappears in white, fluffy clouds, and by the time the sticky, nasty stuff has traveled up the tube and is released from that end, it explodes in balls of white light, like fireworks, transmuted into positive energy released back into the world.

After the Angel Michael, imagine St. Germaine’s violet flame engulfing your entire being. His flame burns off all left over negative energy, evaporating it into a positive, high vibration.

Then, imagine yourself inside a giant bubble. This bubble holds whatever you want to attract within it. “Only positive energy remains, all negative is bounced back.” You can fill your bubble with sparkling, swirly colors that represent what you want to attract, pink for love, green for abundance, whatever color represents to you the energy you want to cultivate that day. Everything that does not jive, visualize it bouncing right off the surface of your bubble, never able to penetrate it and get to you.

I know it sounds like a lot, but once you do it a couple times, it becomes second nature. I can now do this whole visualization with my eyes open, in seconds, while driving to work every morning. It’s a great way to start your day off on a positive note, and helps you not be so focused on being stuck in traffic 😉

When I’m having a really crappy day, I hop in the shower. You can imagine the water as brilliantly white, and as it is washing over you it cleanses everything icky away. Then, encase yourself in a translucent egg. The soft, opalescent shell is a pearly pink, allowing for love and softness of nature to shine through to anyone you encounter.

Some activities I do include self-expression. I sing my way through my feelings in an impromptu song. I also draw what I call my “doodles.” I don’t try to draw anything specific, I just, start with a line, a curve, and then, slowly, a picture emerges from what was once a blank slip of paper.

Do anything that to you means taking care of yourself, comforting yourself. Whether that’s getting dressed up, watching your absolute favorite flick on the couch with a fuzzy blanket, grabbing a bite of chocolate, or dreaming of a better life to strive for, all in all it is just about doing whatever it is that makes you feel good, and safe, and loved. Because when you do, there is no room for funk. No room for negative vibes. All you are left with is warmth, and love, and healing.

Self Care and the Red Tent

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Every first Saturday of the month one of my favorite girlfriends is gracious enough to host the Red Tent. Every Red Tent is a little different, but the reason behind it is always the same: connecting with other women in your community, forming a support group based on love and compassion, and self care for you and your fellow women.  Many movements have sprung up across the globe, and I am happy to be a part of a local one here in Georgia. The main point is just to get together. You can do whatever you want at your Red Tent: sleep, talk, laugh, dance, jive, do the disco, eat, pray, debate, learn, teach, read, and just chill with your fellow girlfriends. A lot of the time we talk. Talk about our lives, the ups and downs, men! (gosh they are annoying), love (sappy, gooey, love, love), our relationship with our kids, our parents. And the less talked about topics of the barren womb, and being adopted. Abuse. Homelessness. Our jobs and businesses (standard small talk). Hobbies. Pets! (gotta love our fur babies.) In-between talking and eating we also join in group activities. We paint our bodies in henna, play games endorsed by celebrities on our iPhones, (Heads up!), discuss other events, give each other readings with Oracle decks (intuition is a woman’s natural ability), ring crystal singing bowls, feel the beat of a homemade drum, color and paint pictures with our daughters and the daughters of others, dance, mime, do charades, give hugs, listen to each other’s stories, eat (god do we EAT) without guilt, vent (yes, we all need to do so in a safe, loving place), support each other, sit in sunshine, watch the rain, smile, laugh, watch movies & youtube (who isn’t addicted to YouTube?), listen to music, sleep (take a dang nap, woman!), and just love one another. And be loved in return.

We talk a lot about self-care and how we as a culture and we as a gender and we as a We don’t do enough of it. One of my friends went and got a mani/pedi for her act of self-care. Someone else went on an 11-day Caribbean cruise, one of 8 she has taken so far. (Take me with you!) Another lightened her hair. Another is eating a local only, whole foods diet. Another is pounding the pavement at the gym with a weight loss goal of supernova (and she can totally do it too!). Another is taking her daughter to a 24-hr Spa. (Hell to the yes!) I bought myself flowers and the stuff to make chocolate covered strawberries, then spent the weekend lounging and indulging. Taking the day, or even 10 minutes out of your day, to think about you, to love you, to pamper yourself, isn’t hard. Not only is it not hard, it’s enjoyable. Not only is it enjoyable, it’s freakin’ necessary. Why? Because, we get burnt out, stressed out, pull-all-our-hair-out manic if we don’t. And it’s super hard to maintain a sunshine-y attitude when we’re tighter than a high-wire in a flyin’ circus act. And who wants to be around us when we’re like that? Friends, family, co-workers, all run and hide like their lives depend on it. And who could blame them? So, fix it, girlfriends. Enjoy your life. Live your life as the brightest, shiniest version of you that you can possibly be. Because you’re worth it, babe. We all are.

What is life but a series of moments, and what better life to live than one held in love ❤

 

Red Tent Info :(Learn more about the film and the movement here: http://www.redtentmovie.com/). The Red Tent movement is based on a book by Anita Diamant (which can be found here: http://www.amazon.com/The-Red-Tent-A-Novel/dp/0312427298).